reinvention and the art of living

Thoughts on Action

2006-11-22T08:24:00.000-05:00

The Passing Feelings

2006-11-09T23:39:00.000-05:00

Today I feel upset and for some reason am not afraid to say it. Today I am sick of living up to expectations. Today I will not fight anymore. Today I will act. Today is not tomorrow and it will never be yesterday.

When I run, I run for me. For the wind and the rain. For burning lungs. For nothing.

We fight for no reason and I battle till my blood is split. I gain less over time. I step forward and move backwards. A sense of despair enters my presence. I reject it as well.

This is it. Isn't it?

2006-11-08T15:21:00.000-05:00

I hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.

Lyrics from "Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't"
BRAND NEW

My dream is the same. The path is unknown. The means are not mine. The dream remains.

Being Short Update.

2006-11-01T11:17:00.000-05:00

The short man has now completed 17 laps by my count. He appears to be tiring.

Being Short

2006-11-01T11:05:00.000-05:00

While I am well aware that what is happening at this very moment has nothing to do with being short, I do feel compelled to report the fact that there is a short man walking laps inside of Micheal DeGroote's Center for Learning and Discovery. Exercise I suppose. Indoor walking at a university, why not I guess. MDCL has some nice trees outside its large windows. With fall colors it is quite nice actually. Perhaps I will begin to run laps in MDCL.

The Future

2006-10-31T21:35:00.000-05:00

As for the leaves they will fall.
They always do.

In other news...

2006-10-30T21:47:00.000-05:00

I got new socks this weekend.

Can there be anything more exciting.

Is this living?

2006-10-23T23:32:00.000-04:00

f'(x) = limh->0 (f(x+h) - f(x))/h
My existence is taking a turn for the worse.

Cereal is Ruining My Life

2006-10-20T13:59:00.000-04:00

I began this week developing the theory that cereal is ruining my life. Cereal is a weakspot in my life. I love it and just can't help eating at just about anytime of the day in obscenely large quantities. The theory is that this addiction to cereal is a domino effect leading to all kind of submission to other areas of life where my will-power is somewhat lacking. Let's face it, every morning I wake up and eat cereal. If I can't control myself not to have the second bowl (or third - or a fourth which almost always follows the third) that morning how can I possibly be expected to have the discipline to do eight hours of homework?

Given this current theory the simple elimination of cereal from my life would be the solution to every problem I face.

Okay so this kind of falls through, although I am not convinced that this is entirely not true. I think this casual relatioship between cereal and lack of drive is more or less just a correlation.

So cereal has become a barometer in my life. The amount and timing of the cereal that I eat can be highly correlated to my emotional and mental status.

Now using this information I will begin to understand my own frame of mind better. For example, if I can pin down the craving for a bowl of cereal at dinner time to the lack of desire to do work or to a mentally-exhausted state I could better make a plan of action towards the next couple hours.

Cereal may just be the key to my life.

ps. Donations of cereal are accepted.

Tabloid Decoy

2006-10-20T00:07:00.000-04:00

TAs may be going on strike. This is upsetting; I need to be paid. I am poor.

Awkward Smiles

2006-10-18T12:49:00.000-04:00

I had the pleasure of sharing an awkward smile today. Thinking about awkward smiles between people passing eachother makes me laugh so much. What exactly do people think after they share an awkward smile? Do they think at all?

I always laugh. Its just me I guess. I love smiling at strangers, and more so when they genuinely smile at me. There is something so completely wholesome about it. Not sure what. I probably am making a lot people feel uncomfortable by doing so though.

So what do you think after that awkward smile?

The Light and Its Reflection

2006-10-17T13:37:00.000-04:00

I began this post writing not just from my head trying to plan out something eloquent to say. Its a tendenacy that I have developed in the few years of my life. Appearences have always so important to me. Let me explain further. It matters to me that I say please and say thank you. That I am not rude in any shape form. Details are essential! They have to be don't they? I just care what people think - perhaps too much. I am in a constant battle to position myself in the best light.

When I take pictures I love finding perfect light. The right light makes everything beautiful whether they actually are or are not.

I guess what I really wonder about is how ugly are things beneath the beatiful light. How ugly are we when we are out of the light. Does it matter?

At times I feel like I can promise the world and convince people that I will deliver. But I can't deliever the world. Illusions are broken. Expectations crushed. How ugly am I beneath it all... What if I convince myself and everyone else that I make the light perfect rather than the lgiht making me perfect... does it matter than?

What is superficial? Is it superficial if you believe it?

This post is a string of thoughts to be taken or left as they are. I really don't want to say being so flat open with yourself is better than trying to reshape yourself. I think that is a common thing for people to say and that it may be an oversimplification of the lives we live.

I will end with writing the thought that we, some of us anways, are likely incapable of changing the way we are concerned with other's perception of us. And even in the most honest of actions, the ones that are truly who we are, we take great care of how we are seen. In away it is who we are. Or is it?

Jeopardy

2006-09-13T14:37:00.000-04:00

After long summer, but a great one. I think I will begin to write in this blog again. Maybe even just to keep my own thoughts in some kind of order. I think a lot. Too much. Perhaps less thinking is the answer.

Its funny to talk about some kind of answer when you haven't defined the question. Jeopardy, I guess.

This is just the start. Here begins the rest of our lives.

When I Grow Up

2006-03-24T13:06:00.000-05:00

I want to become a community builder.

The Components.

2006-03-23T00:33:00.000-05:00

I feel like I tend to separate my life into little parts. That way I can function more smoothly. Deal with one part of life at one point and another at another time.

This seems like a good and bad idea. Somethings must traverse all areas of life. Other are probably left better on their own. But in the end everything is interconnected and whether or not I convince myself that one thing can be separated from another, they all effect eachother.

I think this is the way that God works in us. When we let God into one aspect of our life, God will seep through into other areas. We may first live as Christian only on Sunday but when we really let God in on those Sundays we start to see His work in other areas of our lives.

In separating our lives in to chunks, or into different spaces. We put up boundaries that hinder the flow of God through us. If consider Sunday as a church day. The Holy day and we consider the rest of the days of the week work days. We have put a boundary that has to be overcome. We make rules that say that "things are different on Mondays." Different rules apply.

Separations in our lives help us run smoothly because they reduce cognitive dissonace. They enable us to align our thoughts in actions. We are allowed to be jerks while playing sports; that's just the way it is in sports. Is that the way it is in life? If I look into my life I see a great number of inconsistency. This is a problem.

Fighting the Drift.

2006-03-21T15:17:00.000-05:00

Today I am tired. Which means i am deep in my thoughts.

What is the purpose of everyday work. How do we live to God's glory when the objectives of our daily occupations seem to be so far from anything of that sort?

Imagine a world where everyone took their job as a complete service to God. As a direct action towards furhtering GOd's kingdom. Society doesn't lend itself to this at all. I was considering my summer job this afternoon. I am hoping to landscape. What I am doing that is directly supporting God's kingdom when I do this. I'm not sure. Landscaping itself can be done to God's glory. For the art of it, I guess. But really landscaping is a market for people to make money. Its not sending out God's word to people. Not helping them become fuller in Christ's knowledge.

Its not any of these things.

So we can't change the world that we have been thrust into (even though that would be exactly what I would do) so how do we take everyday life and make it anaction to God. Not a means of survival and becoming a success. Not so that by the money we make I can support church and schools. But so that in every moment you are pushing God's kingdom into the world. I guess it is hard to find this in some places. It is important, however, to recognize that God's work is everywhere. Maybe in landscaping I can support those who I work with or evangelize.

For the moment I despair in it all. Crave a different societial structure.

Look at your job. Or why you are going to school. Why do you do what you do? Well, I went to university to seek a successful career path. The first hoop of many that I will have to jump through to become a sucess.

No. Not anymore. I don't want this. So why I am at university... Ask God. I brought myself here for sucess but He brought me here to expand my mind and to see that there is so much more. As I finish up my third year of university I see different paths for myself. Maybe God can use me to change the views of others! Maybe I will teach and help to develop the Christian minds of our youth. I don't know.

Why is "success" driving my actions? Why not how can I be a christian? Its not easy to pick an occupation that will allow me to have a direct effect (not through the money I give cause I am doing well) on our Christian Community. It means sacrifice. It may mean being poor. It may mean pushing yourself through medical school to become a doctor in the mission field. But why don't we pick our jobs based on how we are going to help God's kingdom.

Challenge yourself. Believe me I am scared to let go. But isn't this what we are suppose to do. Trust God. Let go of ourselves. Have the spirit guide us.

I am weak. But God is strong.

Me pushing Me.

2006-03-18T18:44:00.000-05:00

No time to write this in my own words. Interesting Ideas. This is about "Control Societies" vs "Disciplinary Societies" of the past.

Deleuze -http://www.nadir.org/nadir/archiv/netzkritik/societyofcontrol.html

"This is obvious in the matter of salaries: the factory was a body that contained its internal forces at the level of equilibrium, the highest possible in terms of production, the lowest possible in terms of wages; but in a society of control, the corporation has replaced the factory, and the corporation is a spirit, a gas. Of course the factory was already familiar with the system of bonuses, but the corporation works more deeply to impose a modulation of each salary, in states of perpetual metastability that operate through challenges, contests, and highly comic group sessions. If the most idiotic television game shows are so successful, it's because they express the corporate situation with great precision. The factory constituted individuals as a single body to the double advantage of the boss who surveyed each element within the mass and the unions who mobilized a mass resistance; but the corporation constantly presents the brashest rivalry as a healthy form of emulation, an excellent motivational force that opposes individuals against one another and runs through each, dividing each within. The modulating principle of "salary according to merit" has not failed to tempt national education itself. Indeed, just as the corporation replaces the factory, perpetual training tends to replace the school, and continuous control to replace the examination. Which is the surest way of delivering the school over to the corporation. "

We regulate ourselves.
And we are running the rat race!

Porch Culture: The Metamorphic Treatise

2006-03-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

Porch Culture: What can I say but I want desperately to live in a culture that values porch activities.

So what goes on "on the porch"? In my mind the porch is a place where you sit to relax, where the worries of everyday are less important than enjoying the moment that you are in. The porch serves both as a place for introspective thought and as a place for developing interpersonal relationships. It welcomes neighbours and friends, but can be reserved for the solitude of a single rocking-chair.

What makes a porch culture desireable? It is not to say that our daily tasks, jobs, and responsibilties should not be a focus in our lives but I really love to leave these things behind when they don't need to be a focus. I want to be able to turn my attention to other things that are important.

What does porch culture leave behind? Time. Time has no place in porch culture. The porch has many purposes, intelligent conversation, good laughs, enjoying silence, and the list goes on. Not one of these is better than the other. In a porch culture you accomplish the same amount in 5 minutes as you do in 3 hours because the value is found not in accomplishing but in just being invloved.

Don't we all wish that TIME != MONEY.

The beauty of this type of thinking: If I stop valuing what I can accomplish and start valuing the way I accompish it, immediately a new perspective emerges towards any type of activity. That is not to say that there are not times in our lives when what's accomplished is what is important but that in many situations viewing the end-product as a source of value is going to have its problems. I lose sight of the REAL importance of the journey if I only focus on the destination.

In the past two days (and week) I have participated in an extensive discussion on the topic of networks with my frineds, my family, and one of my university professors. I have accomplished nothing! In the end after these many discussions I have not produced anything of any value to myself - (the paper that I am suppose to be writing is actually further from being done than when I started). This means I have wasted a week of my life. But I haven't. Trust me. This week has been very positive.

---------- more coming still I think ---- we will see

In the mean time, the point is to value those around you more than value what you are accomplishing with them.

Deaf Ears - I fail myself

2006-03-07T14:54:00.000-05:00

"Porch Culture"

This will revolutionize your life.
When I have more time (ironically) I will elaborate.

How I long for a porch culture!

A Valued-Time Culture

2006-02-18T11:47:00.000-05:00

"It is too bad we are born in to a culture that places such an extrodinarily high value on time."

This is the thought that I stumbled across today. We live in a culture with powerful tools to communicate across long distance with little or no time delay. Its funny, our technology has allowed us to reduce time needed to communicate with one another, but at the same time is has accelerated our cultures view time to point where using these technology can be burdensome because of the time required to use them.

I guess I speak for myself here. I often think to myself, "I should write so-and-so an e-mail" but than often decide not to because of the time required to do so. I can't be bothered to spend the time! I don't like this and it is something that I am trying to reconcile in my life. Spending time communicating is something well worth it. The demand on everyone's time is large but I guess in the end it is where you place the value of the time you spend that determines what you do with it.

So I guess for me, the drive toward communicating more with the people around me is changing the how I value my time. The question that really interests me is how does the average person value their time? What do they want to spend more time on? What is most valued.

Leadership

2006-02-14T00:42:00.000-05:00

Tonight I was thinking about leadership; what it is; how it manifests itself; the way it seems to randomly choose people. Leaders are everywhere and they make there impact in a thousand different ways.

I guess the theme of this blog is suppose to connect to online communication which makes me wonder what kind of online leaders are there. Is the online leader all over the place and are there many of them? The internet is place for every person to share their opinion but the diversity stretches ideas thin in terms of gathering people as it is not easy for one document to be seen by many. Is the internet leader a leader outside the internet who is using the internet as a tool to bring people together, or can one person develop a following through purely online means be bringing together people of similar mindsets togethere and ultimately to action. Is that possiblity there? Is google a leader? I don' think so. So what is the capacity of the internet for leading and bringing people together?

Comments on Routine

2006-02-09T10:59:00.000-05:00

Routine can often come with a negative meaning attached to it. Doing things only for the sake of routine is not usually a good way to go about things. So it's not this kind of routine that I hope will be pushed by active involvement in posting and blogging. Rather, I see that actively participating in on-line discussions might allow a person to place spontaneity within the routine of regular life. It can be an outlet.

The beauty of it is that it doesn't require any designated time. Coming together as a group to discuss anything does not always lend itself to allowing for free thought to follow. Thoughts tend to come at times when you are the furtherest way from people: in the shower, on a walk to the park, waiting for the bus, driving to work. Thoughts hit you when you are least suspecting them. Group discussion is for those who can think on their feet and process and consider all elements of an arguement very quickly. It forces many people to withdraw from a conversation for the sake of not saying something stupid. A forum, a post is somewhere you don't have to post and you can take as much time as you would like to comment and therefore as much time as you would like to dwell on the thoughts presented to you.

At the sametime because forums and blogs are an informal way of discussing I think that they can be used as a place to ask questions and not only post answers. When I write my entries I think of them as thoughts. No more. They are meant to be looked at, re-examined, retracted, and reinvented. In person outlets for discussion has its benefits and limitations I feel much more attached to an idea that I say in person, I feel like its something that I can be judged by. A forum seems like a safe haven from that. People may still judge but there is always an opportunity to post anonymously if you so choose.

Well time for class. I think there will be more thoughts forth coming on anonymity.

All the Power

2006-02-08T16:01:00.000-05:00

I think what I just realized that their is a lot of power in a blog and a forum when they become routine. Rountine communication brings people closer. The routine of thinking about a topic is what drives new ideas about that topic. The routine of posting on a topic is what allows minds to come together to push ideas to new limits.

THINK. POST. CRITIQUE. RINSE. REPEAT. Expand your mind.

THINK. FEEL. POST. RINSE. REPEAT. Develop deeper relationships.

I must admit that I see these two things as extremely positive and that is my bias. Also, that these things can be obtained through an extrodinary amount of other ways and that posting on the internet is not the only way. The point is that internet is already a large part of culture and therefore it should be (and is already being) tapped for this benefit. Not to lose site of the idea though, I will restate when you make forums/blogs a part of everyday life their could be extreme benefits to you as a person.

Education and the Internet

2006-02-08T15:42:00.000-05:00

The internet has become so wide spread within certain communities that it is time to consider at as tool within high schools. I am talking in the sense of a virutal classroom or laptops for all the students, but more in after class participation and discussion. A great number of students already are part of large social circles be means of chatting/MSN messenger. Perhaps, similar communities could be developed on certain subjects and topics that students are interested in or even just learning about. The point would be to provoke thought and force students not just to memorize facts and formulas but to consider the material they learning beyond getting grades and passing.

The addition of mandatory forum posting might be away to ENGAGE students in course material. Being engaged in material is very important because those that are intrigued interested and those that have questions about a subject are those that push forward in that material and really learn it. Furthermore, forums are a place where questions can be asked about material that goes beyond the classroom, allowing students to pursue their own realted interests and allowing teachers to better understand students.

On an Aside

2006-02-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

All comments are welcome. Criticism is very much welcome.

This blog is hopefully going to be place that stimulates thought and nothing stimulates thought more than criticism and controversy. So go ahead be controversial and things will get fun.

One Note

2006-02-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was forced to consider that things maybe should be different in my life. The best moments, the ones that I value the most come during simple discussion and conversations with my friends and family. I thought perhaps more time should be spent in my life making an effort to communicate and to share my thoughts with others.

I think that communication is so important, it plays such an important role in our everyday lives, and the tools that we have to facilitate communication between each other are so powerful that we should not let them going to waste. The internet allows us to create common space despite separations cause by scheduling and distance.

I am forced to believe that maybe I should be putting two hours a day into writing posts and e-mails if they are all for the right reasons. Perhaps web-relationships are pseudo-relationships but if they are connected to people that you know previously than the value of that web-relationship grows exponentially.

Hopefully, all though not likely seeing as I am known for starting off with ideas and goals and never really achieving them, I will keep this writing up. How often? I am not sure. This is, however, the time of my life in which I am going to have the most opportunity to ask questions and seek out answers without having to worry about time or money to a great extent. It is important to me to expand my mind and my thoughts.